Why Be a Watcher? My husband is!
In my view, watchers are not about peeping toms, but men like my husband who get turned on by seeing their wives making love with someone else. Yet most men I have known or come across would be racked by jealousy in this situation, and would certainly not encourage it. So what does my husband, a voyeur, get out of watching me, his beloved, in the throes of lust with another man? What motivates him? By Mimi, his wife.
Judging by a fair number of letters from respondents to the issue of voyeurism, there are quite a few folks who would rather sit back and watch their wives cavort merrily with male friends, acquaintances, and even almost total strangers than participate themselves. To those who don't agree with this idea, however, the whole concept of giving up one's wife to someone else seems absolutely stark raving bonkers; as a result, getting hold of the facts about voyeurism isn't all that easy. I'll therefore focus on a special case which happens to be my husband.
From my own experience, visual turn-on has been more powerful for my husband than it is for me. For me, touch (and, of course, mood) is much more the ace exciter. From this, it follows that the moment a woman tries to imagine her bloke having an away day with someone else, the situation leaves her with no touch turn-on whatsoever; as a result, the idea gets her as sexy as a used tea bag.
My husband's voyeurism is not in the realm of fantasy. When I am having sexy fun with my lover, he wants to see and hear our lovemaking live. He could either ask me and my lover to let him in the bedroom and he would do it at pleasure. But that is not his type and that is not my type. I personally want complete privacy with my lover and never allow my hubby or any other to sneak on what I and my lover are doing.
Being so keen on not missing anything while I was having fun, my husband came in with the idea of using Skype. It appears to fit his purpose well: he can watch us live but at the same time he might be away from us hundreds or thousands of miles. He doesn't even have to ask me what I and my lover have been doing or where. The radar screen is always with him.
My husband sits back doing very little himself except watching his wife and her male lover having sexy fun, rocking and rolling in fine style. Why does he seem to get more of a kick by watching when he could be joining in?
I am afraid that many of you into the voyeuristic scene, including my own hubby, are not going to like any of the answers I'll be giving. What seems to come out, in my view, and also according to some sex experts, are two reasons for voyeurism, namely, performance anxiety, and laziness.
Performance anxiety:
As I may have told you, my husband performs poorly in bed, and very often he can hardly sustain an erection for just the time he eases his tension. It is fairly self-explanatory that he suffers from performance anxiety. This, however, has two facets.
There may be a straightforward fear that one is not the person one once was (my hubby fits here), and that as a result, one may not Perform Adequately, gaining for oneself yet one more crisis of confidence unless one avoids it by not doing it.
Alternatively, there may also exist an altruistic wish that one's wife should be kept sexually happy as much as possible (and therefore not kick the shit out of the partner who should be doing it), so if one is not exactly sparking on all cylinders oneself, one should as often as possible hand his wife over to somebody who can achieve the desired sexual result and by watching, ensure that the wife is happy whilst getting an orgasmic reward for being so considerate, ho-ho.
At one level I enjoy having "hubby's consent" to screw with someone else while my husband watched, yet at another level my husband and I seemed a bit confused over the whole business and unsure as to whether we did the right thing (by even our own standards) after all.
Laziness:
It is in my view the fear of being involved. At times when I have no male to satisfy my sexual hunger. I keep my husband completely exhausted, like getting blood out of a rock. Other times, I managed to get an acrobatic screw with hubby, tied him to bed, excited him so much, and achieved an amazing orgasm. He became so tired and wanted to shunt me off to another man. After I forced an orgasm from him, he just lay about looking like a crumpled sock and watched me get on with it by calling my male lover at that point.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, however, the most likely explanation of all for voyeurism -- that of being given the chance to watch what is taboo. This, in my sense, would be a powerful reason were it not for the fact that, except in cases where one is merely watching someone undressing to go to bed or something, one would expect the person in question to want to get in on the act rather than just watch it. Of course, the voyeur, my hubby, may be merely reliving a childhood feeling -- and I don't say reliving a childhood memory, notice, for this is perhaps where Freud went wrong: the voyeur may be merely reliving the excitement tinged with fear involved in seeing anything that is forbidden, because he was a bit too young to take an active part the first time round.
All that my hubby would relive, therefore, is the marvelous feeling of secret excitement which hopefully turns up over and over again in the adult scene. A very smart psychoanalyst named Robert Stoller reckoned that all our variant fantasies and activities are safe play-outs of what was once for us quite a frightening but at least an exciting, sexually-oriented experience, and voyeurism seems an excellent example of that concept.
Voyeurism seems to have an almost inevitable dirty old-man-peeping-tom label which in fact isn't by any means the whole picture. However, it does at least have one thing to commend it -- it's one sexual activity that can't give you AIDS at the same time. Voyeurs, in short, can watch without also having to pray./.
- 20 Oct, 2023
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